


a little bit in love with you (only if you're a little bit in love with me)

by NightsLikeThis



Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Humor, Implied Sexual Content, Self-Acceptance, Self-Discovery, based on tweets, idk about smut yet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:27:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24024316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NightsLikeThis/pseuds/NightsLikeThis
Summary: based on this tweet https://mobile.twitter.com/avryyyy/status/1029933600097980416  and the divine intervention of bayley2straps on tumblr who insisted this needed to be a baysha ficand what am i if not someone who lives to serve others..Sasha confides in Becky that she's never been able to orgasm when with a man. Becky makes it her mission to change that via her willing friend. In comes Bayley, setting Sasha on a crash course of discovery and acceptance that perhaps she isn't as straight as she thought...
Relationships: Sasha Banks & Becky Lynch | Rebecca Knox, Sasha Banks/Bayley | Davina Rose
Comments: 95
Kudos: 107





	1. hot? blue hair? im listening

When Sasha texts Becky in the middle of the night, it's usually unpracticed rambles. Sometimes it's complaints about classmates, or grueling assignments. Sometimes it’s the weighted gift of “I miss you” when they’ve been too busy to talk for a few days that never fails to make Becky smile and shake her head “We saw each other two days ago fool” she’d type back.

“I know but i still miss you”

After a while they’d morphed into a stockpile of Sasha’s late night musings, somewhere to rant while Becky is asleep and won’t answer until morning, when the sun is up and Sasha is thinking more clearly. A new mode of communication since making the transition from high school to college a few years ago, where being busy adults with jobs and different majors took away time from being able to talk every minute. It gives Sasha the space to say what she needs without feeling hindered. It makes Becky feel special that Sasha trusts her with it, even if her blue haired friend isn’t expecting an answer, just waiting for the bottom of the tab to show that the message was read, that Becky understands.

So when she isn’t sleeping at 3 am, staring at her ceiling waiting for something to make her tired, the thoughts of boyfriends past come wistfully, never daring to split her heart in two, or make her smile with her eyes, she doesn’t think much will come from texting Becky, just hoping Becky will have a quick laugh at her misfortune and that they’ll be closer because of it.

Sasha: okay random thought but...ive never orgasmed...like none of my exes...could get it done

Sasha: anywayyy i just thought that was a funny tidbit i’d share

Sasha puts down her phone, sighing at the truth of it, had it been something wrong with her? Maybe it was her job to teach them or maybe she just  _ couldn’t  _ get off at all.

She tries to resign herself to sleep, knowing Becky won’t answer her until morning, probably a slew of laughing emojis, or maybe even a phone call so Sasha could hear her laugh, but for now she closes her eyes, trying to rid herself from the insecurity having had multiple intimate relationships and never having actually enjoyed the task of having sex.

But alas the world has other plans. Just as she’s tucked herself into bed her phone buzzes, and she’s about to ignore until it buzzes again.

Becky: its 3am go tf to bed

Becky: wait. NEVER?

Becky: like never ever????

Sasha laughs despite the pull in her gut that rages against her joy, but there’s something about the effect of Becky that always makes the hard things better. 

Sasha: I mean...ya..NEVER EVER

Becky: duddddeee i cant believeeee

Becky: this is why i wish u were queer

Sasha: pfft sometimes i wish i was too

Becky: wait

Becky: SASH

Sasha: WHAT

Becky: can i set u up with a pretty lesbian?!?

Becky: just to get u off

Becky: prettty plsss

The idea brings out Sasha’s smile once more, mostly because it settles on her mind as a joke, something that’ll never happen, if a guy she thought she was in love with couldn’t do it, what makes Becky think a woman she’s not even attracted to could. Sasha closes her eyes, her phone held faced down against her chest, a contemplation of thought, that the only failure is not trying. She sighs again, an attempt at pushing out the negative and praying that the good stays behind. 

Sasha: ok

Becky: wait? Really? YOULL TRY???

Sasha: i mean what have i got to lose at this point

\---

Sasha didn’t think the process would be this quick, she thought maybe Becky would show her some pictures, give her some options, let her choose a girl who suited something of a preference (could she have a preference for a certain type of girl if she was straight?), or at least given her two girls to pick from, but Sasha is blindsided by Becky’s seemingly certain choice.

Becky and Sasha are eating lunch close to campus between classes the day after their late night text conversation when mid bite Becky seems to remember that they had business to discuss.

The red-head chews aggressively picking up her phone as if just remembering something, she mumbles indistinctly, momentarily scrolling through her phone, before turning it abruptly for Sasha to see the screen. Becky swallows harshly, probably too soon, but the matter at hand seems worthy of the possibility of choking to death.

“This,” Becky starts dramatic as usual before Sasha can even ask, “is your pretty lesbian who’s gonna help you with your little problem” she offers like this is the end, the only choice, the standard for making Sasha’s experience one to remember.

Sasha takes the phone in her hands, scrolling down as she realizes Becky had opened up this girl’s instagram page. Her first thought is that the woman in question is beautiful, there’s no doubt, selfies show off her big brown eyes, a warm smile. Sasha can feel the safe energy even through the photos, but it only does so much to quiet the nagging nerves that keep her feet tapping on the ground, her unoccupied hand clenched in a fist. She scrolls some more, noticing a picture of her in the gym, deadlifting, the veins in her neck and biceps showing clean against the rest of her olive skin, Sasha can’t help, but notice the large  _ physical assets  _ of the woman even if its never been something she’s really looked for before. She searches for a moment longer looking for something to focus on that doesn’t make her breathing patterns change, looking at the username: Bayley Martinez, Sasha thinks its a basis of starting her line of questions.

“Bayley?” she questions with a sort of curious scowl, wondering how her best friend had somehow turned up with what she seemed to think was the perfect fit within 12 hrs, and on top of that it being a girl she’s never heard of. 

Becky nods, always seemingly sure of herself, “She’s in my art history class, and then I realized she lives down the hall from me, and we started going to the gym together,” Becky shrugs, hoping its a basis of why she never felt it too important to mention Bayley to her life long friend.

“Art history?” Sasha questions again, perhaps looking for reason this wouldn’t work out, Sasha’s major in biology probably wouldn’t mesh well with someone majoring in art, then again Becky’s studying drawing, and Sasha never found it as a reason to love her any less, still it had dawned on her that maybe she was looking for an out, a place to put all her reservations. It wasn’t like they needed to have anything in common for Bayley to  _ provide her service. _

“She’s a graphic design major, pretty good actually, but that’s beside the point” Becky pauses knowing Sasha well enough to see the cogs turning, the halted strain of collapsed fear, “She’s really nice, she wouldn’t pressure you or anything, and I’ve heard first hand about the type of dirty shit she’s capable of”

Sasha was sort of grinning for a second, enjoying hearing Becky explain, until of course came the end of her sentence, forcing Sasha into a scowl again.

“Ew, Becks” comes the unhindered outburst before she’s lowering her voice to a whisper, “I need her to get me off, not give me a freaky performance”

“That’s the point though, you keep thinking it’s a single button to push, but it’s not. You gotta know the  _ moves  _ and have the  _ persistence  _ and from what she’s told me, she’s got it sevenfold” Becky boasts in honor of her friend, not only to prove a point, but to give credit where it's deserved.

Sasha crosses her arms doing her part in looking sorry for herself, leaving Becky the room to fill the silence with another attempt at convincing her.

“And I’ve seen her in tight gym clothes..” Becky trails off, “if we weren’t such great buddies, I’d snag her for myself”

Sasha isn’t sure what to say to that. She’d seen that photo herself, she knew Becky wasn’t lying and she didn’t exactly want to make a habit, at least not his early on, of imaging another woman’s ass. She shakes her head, trying to push away the image, a condescending voice in her head of  _ why does it even matter? It's not like you could ever really be attracted to her? _

“She sounds like a player!” 

“She’s not. I swear. And it won’t matter. I’ll make sure she knows it a one time thing” 

“How do we know if she’d even be okay with this?” Sasha remains on the offense, waiting for a good enough reason to back down.

Becky sighs, trying to help Sasha seems like an uphill battle now more than ever. And Becky knows Sasha trusts her, but there’s still an area of Sasha’s heart that is adamant about not trusting strangers, protecting her heart from unnecessary hurt. But Becky has always been willing to help, and the sexual nature of their current situation was a vulnerability issue to say the least, but it wouldn’t stop Becky from trying, not yet.

“Honestly, I don’t know, I didn’t want to ask until I got your permission, but she saw your contact photo on my phone one time, she thought you were cute” Becky shrugs, leaning into her honesty, fighting the urge to list off Bayley’s academic accolades (something Sasha would actually be interested in).

“And?” Sasha throws in when Becky stops talking, goes in for another bite of quinoa salad.

“Oh, I told her you were straight”

‘“Oh” Sasha nods, tucking back into her own food, not understanding the disappointment in her gut, that maybe she’d let Bayley down, maybe it would be easier if girls were an option for her.

“So…?” Becky draws out after the firm press of silence fills the air.

“What?”

“Can i ask her?” Becky swoops in with her charisma, her eyebrows wiggling suggestively.

“Sure, Becky” Sasha huffs, wanting it, but not wanting to seem too keen, her blood telling her to go for it in the moment, but she knows the nerves will come back, the fears will settle in again when the adrenaline wears off. 

“Okay, okay. I’m gonna text her right now” Becky surges forward, unlocking her phone once more, letting loose the excited energy she’d held in for the last few minutes.

“Hey Bayley” Becky speaks as she types gleefully, “You know my friend Sasha? Send. And now we wait” 

But the wait isn’t long, half a minute goes by before Becky is choking on her drink as the new notification pops up on her phone.

“What?” Sasha demands, taking Becky’s phone into her own hands as Becky gestures vaguely, coughing up the water that had gone down the wrong pipe.

The notification reads

Bayley:

Hot? Blue hair? Im listening

Remaining unaffected proves hard, but Sasha swallows down the apprehension, the flip in her stomach at Bayley’s confidence alone, “That’s a start, I guess” 

Becky looks at her incredulously, as if Sasha was crazy for thinking they’d get anything, but a resounding “yes”.

“Gimme my phone” Becky demands, ripping back the device.

She opens the text thread again, pursing her lips, now clearly pondering.

“Okay, how honest do you want me to be?” 

Sasha only rolls her eyes, nods once to encourage Becky to get it over with.

“Okay um ‘sis has never orgasmed’ OW” comes the stilted outburst in response to a switch kick to her shin from Sasha under the table. “Honesty, Sasha. Remember.”

“Fine”

“Umm ‘I’m tryna find someone to fuck up her shit, i was wondering if you’d be down for that” Becky sends the message before Sasha can fight it.

“Must you talk like that?” 

“Its dude talk” Becky pouts wholeheartedly, “You wouldn’t understand”

Becky’s phone cuts in before Sasha can properly fight back, this time three successive pings hitting the air.

Bayley: ur joking right

Bayley: if ur serious, im in

Bayley: wait consensual right?

Becky only smiles at Bayley’s willingness to go along with one of her schemes, finds something funny in the line where Bayley’s player tendencies meet her morality.

“What?” comes Sasha’s rushed call when Becky begins typing again instead of informing her of Bayley’s reply.

“She’s in”


	2. no bloodplay

There’s a pit in Sasha’s stomach as she sits in her dorm a few hours later. The perks of having no roommates were hard to count, but it was times like this that she wished there was someone to bounce her anxiety off of, someone to fill the void of silence with the timid sounds of existence. But no, Sasha is succumbed to the radiating power of choice and not knowing what to do with it.

Becky had given Bayley her number in the hopes that Bayley and Sasha could create a space of comfortability, set some ground rules before any action could take place, so Sasha knows that the new message from an unknown number must be from the mysterious brunette.

Sasha isn’t sure why the blatant push of butterflies lingers, why she’s putting so much weight on an exchange that is only meant to help her. She knows she holds the entire deck of cards, Bayley just happy for the opportunity to be dealt any, but her ears still ring of something harsh, a force pushing her forward too hard.

“Hey” reads the single text message, the black bubble of text haunts her for 10 long minutes of trying to reel in her breaths, trying to convince herself that answering Bayley wasn’t a promise for anything they would or wouldn’t do together.

Sasha saves Bayley’s number, knowing that she’ll want it to be available if she ever catches her breath, ever decides that sleeping with a woman isn’t the end of the world. Because Sasha isn’t homophobic, she’d never thought of Becky any differently for her sexuality, had celebrated every relationship with her, held Becky when women proved to be immature, the wrong fit. She often got frustrated on behalf of the LGBTQ+ community for the struggle they’d been thrust into over something they had no control over. But there was still a stern voice in her head that rang of potential sin. A struggle of her own in understanding that pleasure could come regardless of the end goal bringing a child. A long search in wondering what it would be like to be with someone who could completely understand her point of view, the way a man never could. And even as she’d never really given women a chance in her head, there’s always been a solid understanding of why she can’t give them that chance.

_It would be too easy._

Her phone vibrates in her hands before she can process her own thoughts, a rush of forgetting that Bayley has her number in the way her hands shoot to open the new message.

_It’s Bayley. I dont mean to scare you or anything. Its all up to you, text me if and when you’re ready to talk_

Sasha doesn’t mean to take it in so deeply, but the crush of the words press too firmly against her brain to simply close the text thread without reading it again. It feels gentle, like a hug in the process of pushing her only when she’d decided it's the right time. 

She watches the three dots pop up in the bottom corner to indicate that Bayley is typing, the bubbling dots only surge for about 30 seconds before they are gone. Sasha waits a whole minute and there’s still no new message. A distance in time where Sasha wants to chase down the words Bayley had almost said to her, but for some reason held back.

_I’m ready,_ Sasha types too quickly, but the nerves push back in as her thumb hesitates over the send button. She deletes the letters just as quick as she’d written them, an injured breath finding its way out of her sore throat.

_I guess i’m just anxious about the whole thing_

Sasha types, feeling the weight of its truth, knowing that honesty is the way to make this work, there isn’t much extra contemplation before she hits send.

B: _Thats understandable. Its your first time in this situation, you’re allowed to be anxious, just know nothings going to happen unless you want it too. I want to help you, but if at anytime you decide its not for you, that’s perfectly fine._

Sasha likes the way Bayley texts, a soft pace of laying out her words, her cadence feels stern in the way that her intentions are clear, a shelter among the possibility of a rain storm. Sasha isn’t sure that she believes it, that the words seem painted by god’s hand, too good to be true.

S: _and what do u get out of it?_

B: _Human connection. At least to some degree, emotional or physical. I like to help people, i know it can be hard to believe there isnt an ulterior motive, but i hope you can trust me._

S: _i guess i dont know you enough to not trust you...can we discuss idk whats would happen if i went through with this so ik what im getting into_

Sasha swallows at the implications of her own question, wanting to get past the weight of trust, thinking maybe the physical aspect will be easier to digest.

B: _Well what do u want?_

Sasha can’t help the way her cheeks grow red, the twitch in her veins at the words that ring like a dirty proposition. She tries to remind herself of Bayley’s earlier words, that she holds the power.

S: _this feels...dirty I’m not sure how im supposed to answer that… i just wanna get off_

B: _im sorry if i made you uncomfortable_

Sasha feels like she’s already fucked it up, because Bayley is too kind, has no reason to be sorry.

S: _no its fine, ik its stuff we have to talk about, idk maybe tell me your game plan_

The text bubble doesn’t come back as quickly as before, a startling chance of maybe taking this the wrong way. It leaves Sasha over thinking, “game plan” and the way the words seem so small against the mountain they’re trying to conquer.

But the cradling of too much power becomes the voice of fate when her phone sounds again, this time notifying her of an incoming call, rather than a new text message. Sasha doesn’t let the crash of her ringtone break skin, doesn’t let the surprise of it overwhelm her, because it's easier to press “accept call” than it is to wonder what if.

“Hello?” comes the shaking question covered with a distinct mask that Sasha puts on in times of uncertainty, but it seems that the disguise isn’t enough to stop Bayley from reading the nervous lilts of her voice.

“Sorry” Bayley apologizes for the second time, pulling in course air, “maybe I shouldn’t have called, I just wanted to make sure you understood me”

“No” Sasha tries to break away from the scorching desperation that coats her words, “talk to me, what did you wanna say?” she pleads, hoping to hear the rough trepidation of Bayley’s voice again.

Sasha can hear Bayley’s pattern of breathing, the shift between inhale and exhale, the contemplation happening behind a cell phone.

“I guess i just want to take care of you, show you what you deserve”

And there’s that surge in Sasha’s lungs again of it being too good to be true and without much thought a scoff exits her mouth, clipped before the press of “You don’t even know me”

“Becky talks about you a lot” Bayley offers like its a good argument, and Sasha swears she can see the brunette shrugging behind her defense, “You seem like a good person, and to be honest...you’re hot”

“Oh the true intentions come out” Sasha laughs shortly, the first time she’s let out an unweighted breath since answering the phone, “So it’s a win-win, I get to cum and you get to brag to your friends about sleeping with a straight girl?”

“Hmm, not exactly” Bayley laughs softly at Sasha’s jovial assumption.

“So what then?” Sasha pushes for the first time, fishing for an answer she doesn’t know if she truly wants, and again comes the momentary sting of disappointment when Bayley’s answer takes more than a second to muster.

“I’ve never done this before” comes all at once before Bayley’s backtracking, trying to clarify her meaning, “I’ve never slept with someone, no strings attached” comes a little later, quieter.

“Hmm” Sasha hums like she’s trying to understand but can’t.

“What?” Bayley is quick to pick up the curiosity.

“Nothing. Becky just said you’re like an expert at this stuff”

“Uh, kinda” the brunette comments bashfully, “but all with women I’ve been in relationships with”

“Oh”

“Yeah” Bayley resigns herself to her honesty, knowing she can’t take it back.

“So you’re like trying to prove to yourself that you don’t need emotion involved to be a good fuck” Sasha utters, unashamed of the crass nature.

“It sounds fucked up when you say it like that,.... but yeah, I don’t know, sex is just an aspect of relationships I miss, and I’m afraid to catch feelings for a stranger, but I feel like maybe if we already have these rules of no strings attached, i’ll be alright”

“Okay” Sasha’s mouth puts into existence before the rush of information can fully coat her, suddenly overcome by Bayley’s earnesty and the overwhelming feeling that they both had good reasons to stick to the rules.

“Okay?” Bayley questions the acceptance that reigns from Sasha’s tone.

“That’s a motive I can work with”

\---

The next time Sasha sees Bayley is two nights later at a bar a short distance from campus, a planned rendezvous to set ground rules in person, where the complexity of deciphering through a call or text couldn’t be miscommunicated.

Sasha knows it isn’t a date, but seeing Bayley sitting in a dimly lit booth in the back, a beer bottle clutched safely between her fingers, the dark sleeveless turtleneck that fits her too well makes her second guess her own appearance. And maybe it's the way Bayley seems so effortless, seems calm enough to sit here patiently waiting for Sasha without wanting to run, maybe it's the sheer confidence of it that makes Sasha’s stomach turn.

Because the flip in her nerves _couldn’t_ have to do with _the glow of Bayley’s eyes even in the darkness, the swell of her chest against fighting fabric, the burst of biceps and toned arms shown unashamed to the rest of the bar._

Sasha swallows before getting too close, hoping to take in the necessary air she knows a close proximity to Bayley will most likely deprive her of. Trusting fate in bottling all her nerves up long enough to take a seat in the booth next to Bayley.

“Hey” she tries to usher out without feeling like her lungs are shattering. Up close it dawns on her that the pictures on Bayley’s instagram didn’t do her justice, something more tender in the way her delicate movements make her human.

“Hey” Bayley greets back, laughing lightly as if Sasha had said something funny.

“What?”

“Nothing” Bayley waves it off as Sasha attempts to get comfortable, “You wanna drink?”

“No.” comes the first stern answer, before a sudden change of heart, “Yes” Sasha rethinks her answer, hoping a little alcohol in her system could ease the knot in her throat.

“What can I get cha?” Bayley asks, casually getting up from her seat, seemingly ready to fill any of Sasha’s desires.

“Um,” Sasha hesitates, pulling out a ten dollar bill from her bag, “lemme get a Long Island Iced Tea” she voices finally, sliding the money across the table for Bayley to take, hoping silently that the woman doesn’t judge the strength of her drink of choice. 

Bayley contemplates Sasha’s hand, but doesn’t move to take the money, instead nodding at the request and walking off.

She returns a few minutes later, Sasha’s cocktail in one hand and a fresh beer in the other. 

“Thank you” Sasha voices sheepishly as the cold glass is thrust into her hands, “you didn’t have to pay for me”

Bayley shrugs, “It’s the least I could do for you letting me take your lady virginity”

Sasha almost chokes mid-sip, laughing earnestly enough to break whatever tension they had started their exchange with, “So that’s what we’re calling it now?”

“So what’s the plan here? Are we going Fifty Shades of Gray style? Is there some contract I have to sign? We gonna check off what's kosher and what's not?” Sasha asks, already feeling a little more like herself.

“If you wanna make a list, we can” Bayley asserts around the smile she wears proudly in response to Sasha’s words, pulling up her notes app on her phone to start setting ground rules, “Okay, ready”

They contemplate together silently, no tells of sound ideas until Sasha is trying to hide a blooming smirk.

“What?” Bayley easily reads through the ploy of deceit, but Sasha still remains ashamed of her own thoughts. She coaxes Bayley to hand over her phone instead of saying the words aloud.

Bayley receives the phone back a moment later after Sasha has eagerly typed away the first few lines of this note document. It reads

_Goals: 1. Make Sasha cum_

  1. _Dont catch feelings_



Bayley can’t hold in her laughter this time, a clever play at breaking all the sheets of ice, in making the situation seem less serious, “Okay, okay. Um anything completely off the table that you want me to know about?”

“No bloodplay.” Sasha deadpans completely serious.

Bayley only scowls, her brows furrowing together in disgust. Sasha tries not to focus on the delicate wrinkles there, the intensity with which Bayley expresses all of her emotions.

“I did some research” Sasha admits when the look on Bayley’s face doesn't change, “maybe i went a little more intense than necessary” 

“What freaks have you been with?” Bayley says mock horrified.

“Apparently no one freaky enough to actually know what they’re doing” Sasha points out taking a substantial amount of her cocktail in her mouth.

“Hey, hey, no more worrying about that, we're gonna fix that for ya” Bayley tries to reassure her as if it was as simple and non-invasive as putting on a bandaid.

And there's a brief tick in the air that smells of friendship, a latch on memory of shooting through what it would be like to be Bayley’s friend, to hear her laugh without reservation, and it leaves Sasha wondering if she has to choose. If she can sleep with Bayley and still be her friend afterwards, or if the former negates the possibility of the latter. Another piece to weigh in the pros and cons of actually going through with this.

“Okay what else? Maybe we should come up with safe words?” Bayley tries when the air feels too akin to emotional.

“Umm, I don’t know I feel like I’d forget it mid-panic if that were to happen” Sasha muses, looking away from Bayley in an effort to forget the way the brunette genuinely seems to care about her well-being beyond anything else.

“How about “stop”?” Bayley shrugs, and Sasha smiles at how easy she makes it seem.

“What about you? Any past trauma I should know about?” Sasha regrets the words that cut too deep as soon as they leave her lips, and perhaps the cruel parts of her brain wants Bayley’s answer, but the better part knows that this is exactly the type of personal information they should be avoiding, so she smiles it off like a joke, tries to sell it, even after Bayley has begun to ponder it for real. But Sasha saves them both with another “kink” she’d looked up out of curiosity before deeming herself prepared to meet with Bayley in person.

“How do we feel about hair pulling?” the blue haired woman supplies in place of her earlier question.

Bayley scans over each item of their list, seemingly unaffected by Sasha’s proposal, but Sasha can’t ignore the thick swallow, the way she bites the inside of her cheek as if warning herself to settle down, eventually moving to type something else, the abashed pause ends with a quiet peak of “I’ll allow it”

The subtle play of power, an eased system where Bayley is in control, and Sasha is willing to take what is given, makes the air a little thicker, makes Sasha wonder why they aren’t in an alley somewhere, Bayley pushing her up a dirty cement wall, groping her over her clothes, too desperate to waste time. But she pushes it off as the alcohol talking, and one thing she’s sure of is that on the off chance that Bayley’s actually capable of completing this task for her, she wants to be completely sober for it.

When she finds herself back in the present instead of _fantasizing_ about soft lips, her hands in brown hair, Sasha assumes Bayley will be there patiently waiting for her to come back to earth, but she finds Bayley staring blankly at the dimmed screen of her phone, searching for something in the darkness.

When Sasha places her hand against the bend of Bayley’s forearm, a soft plea of “You okay?” she pushes away the notion that touching Bayley was any different from touching Becky, or anyone else. 

“Yeah, um…” Bayley seems to skip back into presence, removing her arm from Sasha’s reach as she wipes down sweaty palms on her ripped jeans. 

Sasha follows her eyes, as they close momentarily to push away unwelcome thoughts, and suddenly Sasha feels anger towards all the things in the room that get Bayley’s attention that aren’t her.

And Sasha waits, something she isn’t sure she’s used to, but Bayley looks to be on the precipice of something.

“Am I allowed to kiss you?” The words come tumbling out as Bayley replaces her lapse of confidence with eye contact. There’s something searching yet patient in her eyes, a distant glance at time and how she’d taken too much to ask questions too heavy. A pull of tucking her bottom lip inside her mouth, a pout at the implications of crushed lips and living through each other’s breathing. 

“Yeah” because how could Sasha say no to that.

Sasha wouldn’t admit it to herself in the moment, not when she still had too much to ask, too much to ponder on her own time, but looking back she knew, that right here sitting across from Bayley in a dirty bar, the lights too low to know the whole truth, was when she knew in her soul that they were fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the fact that Sasha is acting LIKE THAT and doesnt know that shes gay...is frustrating...but im writing it...so how do i be mad at myself...
> 
> anyway more antics to come


	3. i can save getting murdered for Friday night

Bayley sits on Carmella’s sofa like she’s on trial, combatting the onslaught of questions fired at her by her long time friend. Bayley didn’t need to swear on a Bible for Carmella to know she was telling the truth, there was already the honesty in her eyes, the earnesty in the tone of her voice.    
  


“I just don’t understand why you’d get yourself involved in a situation like this?” Carmella paces in front of her, her voice full and exasperated. 

“Becky asked” Bayley shrugged, coming out quick to defend herself, “It’s not like it was my idea’

“But you agreed to it,” Carmella’s eyebrows rise in accusation, challenging the brunette to deny her words.

“Why are you so pressed about it?” Bayley finally questions, wanting Carmella to explicitly air out her grievances, knowing the conversation will only go in circles without it.

“You know I just want you to be happy,” the blonde’s rage counters the genuine care meant in her words, “but we both know you love too hard, this isn’t gonna end well”

“It’s not about love though” Bayley chooses, knowing that the thoughts of Sasha’s eyes, the anxiety of actually going through with their plan doesn’t equate anything close to love. She doesn’t mention the way she swallows down the sexual tension when Sasha was with her at the bar, doesn’t mention the unpredictable peaks of Sasha’s laughter.

Carmella drops the incredulous look, seemingly satiated of her worry, but still treading cautiously as she comes to sit next to Bayley on her sofa, lays a hand over one of Bayley’s knees and makes sure of eye contact, her eyes shine as if she’s finally on Bayley’s side, like her previous sentence had done enough to calm her.

“You talk about her like she’s God’s greatest gift, I wasn’t born yesterday” comes the sting of Carmella’s otherwise gentle words, but Bayley doesn’t act scorned, just rolls her eyes, pushes Carmella’s hand off of her.

When she makes the move to walk away, remove herself from the space, Carmella latches on, keeps Bayley from making any swift exits, knowing that there was more to be said.

“Listen, Bay. I know you better than anyone” her tone shifts again, no longer mocking, “I just need you to promise me you’ll be careful.”

“And if I don’t?” Bayley teases, deflecting from the weight of the conversation for just a second longer.

“You can’t be mad when I say ‘I told you so”

“Pfft ‘when’?” Bayley argues back, finally freeing herself from the prison of being kept on the sofa with her best friend, “You’re not gonna have to, Mella”

Carmella let’s her walk away, knowing she can only do so much. She knows, as the mutually agreed “wise one” of the two, that regardless of the red flags, Bayley has to make her own decisions and learn her own lessons. And while Carmella rather avoid the inevitable mess of a heartbroken Bayley lusting after a straight woman, she knows at the end of it all she’d still be here to help her friend pick up all the pieces.

“Whatever you say, dude”

\---

While Bayley contemplates what she has to lose from the exchange, Sasha contemplates what there is to gain. Because it’s easier to keep the advantages in mind rather than the possibilities that something could go wrong. 

She’d finally be able to say she’d orgasmed, or at least she’d have a conclusive answer on whether or not she was capable or orgasming at all. Because if anything she was way more confident in Bayley’s abilities than she was sure that she could even complete the task at hand. But that wasn’t really the point. It would get Becky to stop making fun of her about it, even if Sasha secretly enjoyed Becky’s joy even if it was at her expense. More so maybe it would stop her from being so uptight, bring her some sense of relief that she hadn’t felt before.

And then there was the insecurity that she was putting too much weight onto this one thing, that she was making a big deal out of nothing and she needed to stop acting like it would bring her some higher power, make life easier, better somehow. But that always cycled back to “what do I have to lose?”

Sasha’s brain didn’t immediately start the tactful mission of answering the question in list form, instead the inner press of her heart whispered “nothing.”

So why was she still so anxious. Anxious enough to keep her awake every night since meeting Bayley at the bar. It just all seemed too easy, the way that Bayley gave her the choice to stay or go, the choice to continue or not, no questions asked. Perhaps it’s her past dealing with men that have led her to believe that instances of intimacy had to be complicated, but here she was feeling completely free to decide and still wondering which step to take.

Maybe it wasn’t the act of it that made her back away (but that was a lie she’d tried to convince herself of too). Maybe it was Bayley. Even with her obvious care, her desire to help, she was still intimidating: with her sexual knowledge, her general aura, that smile that smacked you in the heart without warning. 

But she was beautiful, anyone would be foolish to say otherwise, even Sasha could admit, and more importantly she was willing, and Sasha would be stupid to not entertain it when they’ve already gotten this far. 

Her finger hovers over the call button on Bayley’s contact in her phone. Like it has every night for the past week. She’s texted Bayley a few times, small things like “I’m still thinking” and “sorry for taking so long” and Bayley answers in normal Bayley fashion with words that only ring of reassurance like “it’s really okay Sasha” and “take as long as you need”. And there’s a weird weight to that. A way that Sasha wishes she wouldn’t assume, but it makes it feel like Bayley will be there whenever she’s ready. Like she’s waiting for Sasha, but not impatiently. Wistfully idling without someone to hold on the off chance that Sasha will float in her direction with enough conviction to say “now”.

But still there’s something of a hurdle in actually pressing that button, actually hearing Bayley’s voice just to tell her “no, I’m not ready yet”. Because Sasha knows, even if Bayley has been nothing, but understanding, she knows there will be disappointment in her voice as she says “it’s alright, take your time”. And Sasha knows she won’t be able to stomach it.

“Stop being such a drama queen,” Becky’s voice nags in her head even when she’s not around, the same way it has for years. And usually it’s a small deterant, a measly crumb she can flick away in favor of maintaining her “extra” nature, but now it stings too much truth.

“Why not?” Is always the question and her heart can’t find a worthy answer.

But baby steps are always easier than bounding leaps, so she backs out of Bayley’s contact info and calls Becky instead.

“What’s up, loser?” Becky’s accent fills Sasha’s ear as her face pops up on the screen, seemingly in the tiny kitchen of her apartment, after barely getting through the second ring, the words come out around the sound of aggressive chewing.

“Must you chew like that? Especially over the phone?” Sasha asks, instantly lowering the volume.

“Must you call me after midnight?” Becky tries to fight back, forgoing a reason for her intense eating.

“You act like you ever sleep” 

“The gays don’t sleep, we’re too strong” Becky reasons, seemingly slowing down on whatever she’s shoving into her mouth, “but I’d still like to not be bothered”

Sasha rolls her eyes, used to Becky using her character traits as a ploy to further prove her gayness, but also knowing that regardless of her words, Becky enjoyed their late night talks maybe more than anything.

“Anyway…” Sasha replies, making it clear that she wouldn’t be entertaining any of Becky’s usual antics. 

“What do you want then? Get on with it.” The red head demands, seemingly more concerned with her late night snack than the ponderings of her best friend.

“Do you think you have one more pep talk in you?” Sasha winces at her own voice, knowing Becky has already given her plenty to move forward on this topic in particular.

“For you? Always” 

“Ugh, don’t get all sappy with me” Sasha chastises, but Becky only laughs at the scowl that forms on her friend’s face, knowing blatant affection has always brought Sasha great discomfort.

“What is it, Sash?”

“Bayley” Sasha looks away from the camera, not wanting to see Becky’s face.

“What about Bayley?” Becky smirks wanting to tease Sasha, challenge her into speaking of what she’s so afraid of.

“You know, Becky. We talk about it everyday” Sasha huffs.

“What’s got you questioning it this time?” Becky tries, hoping to run through Sasha’s insecurities with enough time to finish her Cheerios before they get soggy.

“Nothing, I guess”

Becky’s face scrunches, eyeing the woman through the phone.

“And that’s a problem because?” Becky leaves off perplexed, giving Sasha room to fill in the blank.

“I don’t know” comes before Sasha really gives herself time to process it, “I just-I don’t know”

A silence. Becky looking at her because despite the dramatic nature that is so innately Sasha, Becky knows it’s genuine, can hear the ache in Sasha’s throat, can see the fear in her eyes. Sasha only looks down, trying to puzzle out what it is that’s stopping her.

“What if I like it?” Are the next words from Sasha’s mouth as she looks up once more, trying to find the words to further explain at Becky’s confused eyes.

“Isn’t that kind of the point?” Becky tries.

“No. I mean yeah. But like what if I  _ really  _ like it? And it’s not the cuz the guys I’ve been with were inexperienced. Maybe it’s cuz they weren’t women” 

“Sash-“ Becky tries to reassure her, find the right words to stop the avalanche of questioning sexuality, knowing that it’s different to have a gay best friend and fully process that you yourself might not be straight.

“I’m not gay.” Sasha states without a second thought confusing Becky with the back and forth pattern of her brain, “and it would suck if I was into men, but only girls could get me off.”

Becky wants to say “we’ll maybe you’re into women” but doesn’t, just nods and chuckles “yeah, that would suck”, but the smile doesn’t reach her eyes.

“Maybe you just haven’t met the guy who can get it done for you” she tries further, hoping to push the brakes on any commentary that could make Sasha spiral.

“Yeah, maybe” Sasha sighs, resigning herself to accept her fate.

“But you should still try, liking something isn’t the worst thing that could happen” 

“And what’s that?” 

“Your clit is broken” Becky jokes, referring to a previous conversation they’d had where Sasha insisted something was wrong with her for several hours while Becky did her best not to laugh and convince her otherwise.

But Sasha doesn’t think it was funny, giving Becky a death glare.

“I’m kidding. Jesus.” Becky chimes again, putting her hand up to protect her from the powerful rays of hatred sent her way.

“But seriously, you should do it. And I’m not just saying that as your friend,” Becky tries again earnestly, fully dropping her spoon to give Sasha her attention. 

“Okay, I’m gonna call her”, Sasha looks away again not wanting Becky to read the shiver of anxiety that comes with making that choice, doesn’t want her to sense the hesitation, leaves enough room for them to not feel like it’s a promise.

“It’s late, Sash, maybe you should call in the morning” Becky warns, getting back to her cereal. 

“I thought the gays were too powerful for sleep?” Sasha teases.

Becky clears her throat, unfazed by Sasha’s comeback.

“Let me rephrase,” Becky starts, “ _ I’m  _ too powerful for sleep”

“Oh  _ okay”  _

“Goodnight Sasha” Becky says with just enough edge to make Sasha laugh.

“Bye, Becks”

There’s a lull after Sasha ends the call, a steady moment of feeling secure in the quiet of her apartment, where mistakes and missteps don’t feel so heavy, the creak in her floor giving way to her weight, but only yielding consequences of worth.

She’s sure now. And she doesn’t know that she’ll still feel strong enough when the sun comes up. 

So she calls Bayley, holding her breath as she presses the phone to her ear and waiting.

“Sasha?” Comes a groggy voice that presses into her ear like a safety net, a course sleepiness to the calm voice she’s used to. 

Sasha can imagine Bayley waking suddenly to the sound of her phone ringing, can see her rubbing her eyes while checking her phone, squinting at the light adorably, the cute puffiness of her eyes from not enough sleep. The image is startling even if only fabricated in Sasha’s head, its enough to keep her silent for an extra second in wake of Bayley’s question.

“Yeah. Sorry, did I wake you? I can call back.”

But Bayley’s too nice, too reassuring.

“No! I mean yeah, you woke me up, but it’s okay” Bayley clears her throat.

Sasha can hear shuffling, like Bayley’s sitting up in bed, preparing herself for whatever Sasha might need.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, what’s up?” Bayley’s voice sounds almost normal now, and Sasha strangely finds herself missing the gravely deepness, finding something intimate in getting to hear it.

“I- um.” There’s a brief bout of hesitation, just a flicker of wondering where the path breaks in two and choosing one to follow, a fated destination in finding each other maybe, “I’m ready”

“Oh” Bayley says and Sasha doesn’t know how to read it. It isn’t joy or elation, no crease of panic, maybe a little surprise.

“Yeah” Sasha adds, as if to validate whatever Bayley’s reaction was.

“Um,” Bayley doesn’t know how to feel, suddenly unsure how they got to this point and how she hadn’t considered how she’d feel in this moment, she wasn’t sure how she was supposed to feel, she was providing a service and that was it.

But Sasha reads the hesitation as rejection, like Bayley hadn’t wanted this anymore. And the innate reaction of back-tracking starts.

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have called so late. I’ll call you b-“

“Sasha. No, it’s okay, I swear,” Bayley rushes, trying to say the right thing to keep Sasha from hanging up, “I just- Did you wanna like schedule a day?”

And that wasn’t really something Sasha prepared for. It was logical though, she could see that. They were just friends and it wasn’t like things would naturally progress to sex. They needed a time and place just as much as they’d needed ground rules. But it didn’t change the way it made her stomach knot. There was already so much anxiety around the idea of it, to make a specific occasion for it felt too concrete. And Sasha knew the anxiety would continue to build and build until the time came for her release.

“Yeah. That’s a good idea.” Sasha swallows trying not to sound too forced.

“Um when are you free?” 

And Sasha laughs despite Bayley’s serious tone.

“What?” The brunette asks, seemingly searching for what she did wrong and how to fix it.

“Nothing. Sorry. It’s just funny. Scheduling sex.” 

“Oh” Bayley chuckles, “I could surprise attack you if that’s your preferred method?”

“While that sounds fun in theory, I rather be mentally prepared.” 

“You’re such a nerd, you know that?” Bayley laughs again.

“That’s quite rude of you to say, Ms. Martinez”

“Well, you’re not paying me to be nice, darling” Bayley teases.

“Wait, I’m not- I didn’t know I was supposed to pay you” Sasha sinks back, suddenly afraid she had forgotten something or misinterpreted this set up they’d had going on.

Bayley lets the dry air hang for a just a second longer than necessary. 

“I’m messing with you”

“Oh! Yeah, right!” Sasha chirps awkwardly, trying to conceal the abundance of relief that swelled in her heart, push down the pit in her gut.

“So?” Bayley tries to end the awkward air, by setting them back on track.

“Yeah?”

“A date?” Bayley asks.

“Oh um, Thursday? Night I guess? If you don’t have class? Or work? Do you work? Sorry I never asked?” Sasha babbles.

“I drive for Uber actually” Bayley sounds sheepish for the first time, like it’s something she’s not proud of, like a part of her wants to impress Sasha and maybe driving strangers around in the middle of the night isn’t exactly something “bio major Sasha” would be fond of. It crosses Sasha’s mind that there’s insecurity there, so she tries not to press on it.

“Oh, that’s cool” 

“I guess,” Bayley laughs awkwardly, “I can work whenever I want so that’s nice”

“You’re not scared of meeting any unsavory people, serial killers, rapists?” Sasha questions, wondering if Bayley got off on putting herself in strange situations.

“You worry too much” Bayley shrugs off Sasha’s concern, knowing that she did everything she could to stay safe.

And Sasha remembers Bayley’s biceps then, assumes there’s abs hiding under her shirt, knows she could probably fight off anyone trying to cause her harm. But thinking about Bayley’s muscles prompts her to rub her thighs together, a need for something that she pretends doesn’t exist.

“What about you?” breaks Sasha out of her day dream.

“Huh?” She calls, startled.

“Do you have a job? Or is it full time school for the nerd?” 

Sasha rolls her eyes even though Bayley can’t see her.

“Actually, I tutor some of the freshman biology majors, so my  _ nerdiness  _ actually comes in handy.”

“Hmm, how fortunate for you,” Bayley continues teasing, seeming just a little bit impressed.

“Anyway,” Sasha cuts it off, too flustered to let Bayley continue, trying hard not to think about the way Bayley might be smirking, “Thursday night? Unless your dying to get murdered by a stranger that night?”

“Nah, I can save getting murdered for Friday night. Thursday’s good. Uh like 8?” Bayley asks.

“Ugh this still feels weird, but yeah. Yes, 8’s good.” 

“Sasha?” Bayley tries to instigate something against Sasha’s obvious nerves.

“Hmm?” 

“You know this isn’t like a contract? You can back out at any time. Even if we’re like in the middle of it…” Bayley trails off, not wanting to put words to what they might be doing.

“I know, Bay.” The nickname comes without much thought, too late to take it back, “Thank you. For everything. Really. Even if this doesn’t work out,” Sasha pauses, not wanting to contemplate what that would look like, feel like if things didn’t go the way they’d planned, “you’ve been really sweet to me.” 

“No problem, Sasha.” 

Sasha likes her name on Bayley’s tongue even if she can’t pinpoint why. Likes the way the words always seem genuine even if she knows Bayley doesn’t feel like she’s doing anything out of the ordinary. Sasha needs to keep reminding herself, she isn’t special. At least not to Bayley. Bayley is nice all the time to everyone even if they don’t deserve it. It was one of Becky’s talking points in convincing Bayley was the right person for the job. And Sasha’s sure too, that if she’s going to go through with this, Bayley was the best option.

That fact doesn’t change that Sasha can’t help but read into everything Bayley does. The quiet goodbye that’s exchanged, too soft to mean nothing. The way they both linger for a moment after before actually hanging up. 

The reassurance of it all evaporates the tension in Sasha’s bones just enough to sleep. A dream that sounds like late night teasing and trying to find the reasons to be brave. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 3, FINALLY 
> 
> real sorry for the wait, its just hard to write when the world seems so fucked up right now
> 
> thx for reading and all ur feedback and the fact that some of you are still patiently waiting for updates means a lot
> 
> i still want to provide some what of an escape from the real world if thats possible. tell ur friends you love them and be safe.
> 
> next update will probably be the smut but i havent started writing it yet so dont be too eager


	4. the tools god gave me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome to Here's chapter 4 sorry for taking soooo long

Sasha feared Thursday would bring an onslaught of anxiety with it, a rain cloud of wanting to renegotiate, a swarm of bees pushing her to back out. But instead there’s a quiet calm that washes over her like a clear wave. An ocean body she can see through the sand and rocks and seaweed to find an understanding; in the pushing and receding of her heart beat against her rib cage. A rhythm that doesn’t stutter or lurch as she breezes through the day's classes, an afternoon tutoring session, and the shower she takes when she gets back to her apartment. 

The warmth of her own skin under her fingertips reminds her of the tension in her gut, reminds her of the sleepless nights where she’d resorted to touching herself with no relief, a plea of trying and trying until her wrist is sore and her fingers are pruned. Scrubbing herself clean of the day's dirt only gives rise to curiosity, wondering what Bayley’s hands will feel like on her skin, imagining her there in the shower with her. Holding her hips, pushing her back gently to rinse the shampoo from her hair, making sure no bubbles get into her eyes, soft kisses to her neck.

Sasha’s eyes close at the imagined sensation, getting lost in what could be. Her breathing finally finds a perch to rest on as inhales increase steadily searching for new air. The heat of descending water marks her shoulders red, but she knows Bayley could create more heat with just her fingertips. 

That thought alone breaks her out of it. 

Sasha’s eyes crash open as she suddenly feels cold. Reminding herself not to skip ahead so far, to remember that there’s a specific agenda, one task to complete, and showering afterward, being tender and loving was not part of the plan.

And a part of her knows that maybe the key to orgasming for her may lay among emotional connection, but if she’d admitted that to herself then there was more to learn with it. It opened too many doors, like maybe she hadn’t felt anything for her ex-boyfriends, like maybe she felt more for a woman she barely knows than she ever has for any man, like maybe she wasn’t str-

And she couldn’t be thinking those things, not when Bayley was supposed to be at her door in less than an hour, not when she was so close to just getting this over with. Because something like that might send her spiraling, a self discovery that feels like a full force tornado to the gut. 

So she pushes it out of her mind, replaces it with thinking about whether she wants to put any makeup on, if Bayley will care. She turns off the water, shivering at the feel of losing Bayley’s touch with it. 

—-

  
  


The gentle knock comes at 7:58, sending a flurry of something in Sasha’s gut. Like swollen moths cloaked in darkness, as they clog up her throat and force her to clear it audibly.

She lets Bayley in, trying her best not to emote much other than a willingness to continue with their arrangement, trying to not to look at her. Sasha does her best to train her eye to things that aren’t entrancing brown eyes, tanned biceps, instead looking at maroon vans and the presence of Bayley’s backpack on her shoulders.

“Oh, what do we have in here?” Sasha starts awkwardly in lieu of a greeting, “A dildo? A strap on?” she laughs nervously motioning at Bayley’s bag as she takes it off.

But the other woman just looks at her weirdly, not sure if Sasha’s question is coming from a place of fear or desire, wondering when they’d even brought any sort of toys into the discussion.

“Uh, no,” Bayley’s eyebrows furrow, “it’s just my bookbag, I never got back to my dorm after class.” she explains, dropping the bag to the floor and taking off her jacket.

“Sorry, I-um, I was doing more deep research,” Sasha tries to back track, her hand coming up to play with the stud in her ear lobe, a nervous habit, “I just kind of assumed you’d have them.”

“I do.” Bayley starts plainly, capturing Sasha’s eyes with hers, hoping to keep her attention focused, “but not with me.” 

Sasha nods, swallowing, still giving Bayley no direct answers.

“I figured we didn’t need anything more intense then the tools God gave me” Bayley attempts to make a joke, lifting her hands and looking down at them as if to confirm that her fingers were still in good shape.

“Yeah” Sasha tries her best to laugh evenly, but the nerves are still apparent, “of course.”

“You okay?” Bayley asks after a moment of silence between them, a comforting hand coming to rest on Sasha’s bicep.

It does its job in grounding her there, easing the maze of emotions spilling through her brain, the two words make it all seem easy for a moment. A place where Sasha trusts no one more than Bayley, where there’s no pressure for finish lines, just planned attempts that she’s puzzled out enough times to know every outcome.

“Yeah” 

And Bayley believes her. Somehow already knows the tone of Sasha’s voice when she’s saying exactly how she feels. She tries not to register all of it, tries to push away the ideal she’s already created in her head of how things play out.

Luckily, there isn’t time to dwell, as Bayley’s focus changes to Sasha pulling her by the hand, guiding her to the next room, Sasha’s bedroom. It feels vulnerable as Sasha flicks on the overhead light, both of them suddenly aware of every place the light touches.

“Can I turn that off actually?” Sasha turns the light off again turning back as dark floods the room once more.

“Shit!” Bayley cries out as the bridge of Sasha’s nose collides with her chin, innately grabbing onto Sasha’s hips to keep her from hitting anything else. 

“Sorry, here.” Sasha tries again wiggling free from Bayley’s hold as she turns on another light: a small projector shining on the ceiling to transform it into the night sky, the combination of stars and clouds lighting up the room just enough. “Is your chin okay?” Sasha comes closer again, rubbing a thumb over her chin to soothe her, grazing just the edge of Bayley’s lower lip.

Bayley nods into the contact, taking Sasha’s wrist in her hand to pull her closer, hoping for Sasha to get the message to put her arms around her shoulders. The sky light coats Sasha in a dark blue light, her eyelashes, lip gloss, the tops of her cheeks, reflecting the shine. A part of Bayley wants to ask one more time, wants to confirm that Sasha wants this, give her one more opportunity to call it off, but the more primal part of her can only feel the way Sasha’s arms wrap around her, her hot breath against her lips, Sasha’s hand scratching at her undercut, the glowing pressure of Sasha’s hooded eyes.

So she pushes forward, knowing she has control, only wanting to take Sasha along with her for the ride, give her everything she can to get her what she wants. Sasha’s lips are soft as expected, her cherry flavored lip gloss hitting Bayley’s tongue without much effort, her hands firm on Sasha’s hips as she starts to sink into it more, allowing herself to remove the weight of kissing a woman. It's easier thinking it’s just Bayley. Bayley who’s caring and funny and would never hurt her. Bayley, who’s face, hands, hair feels softer than anyone else’s. 

It’s Bayley who pulls away first, reminding herself of the task at hand, fighting for her last bit of self control to win out. She doesn’t allow herself to look at Sasha’s face when she pulls away, doesn’t want to know if she’d find disappointment or euphoria, doesn’t want to face a reality where she knows definitively if Sasha felt the same spark.

“C’mon” she whispers, fearing that speaking too loud will break the spell, and will wake her from the dream where she's somehow been allowed to kiss someone as beautiful as Sasha. When Sasha’s settled in the middle of the bed, and Bayley’s perched on top of her, Sasha’s hands immediately search for Bayley’s face, her palms yearning to hold her jaw against hers, wanting nothing more than to kiss her again. And finally Bayley is forced to look her in the eye again, easily reading the blissed out ease in her pupils, covering Sasha’s lips with her own as she let her weight settle further on top of Sasha. She gives Sasha some leeway to set the pace for a moment, giving her time to get used to the change in position, pulling back to bite her lip and let them breathe in the moment before ducking back in. 

Bayley tries to work fast enough to keep momentum, fast enough for something to build, but slow enough to allow Sasha to really feel it all, to let her absorb every movement as it comes. Bayley settles lower, kissing against Sasha’s pulse point, keeping herself from dragging her teeth too hard against Sasha’s neck not knowing if she’d like being marked by someone who wasn’t hers. Simultaneously moving her hands to rest just under Sasha’s shirt, her palms feeling the rapid rise and fall of her stomach, her fingertips grazing the lower edge of Sasha’s bra, her ears tuned into the sound of rushed breathing and the whines that come in direct response to teeth on skin.

Sasha pushes forward after a particularly loud whine, sobered by her own sound, as her hips buck slightly and she pushes Bayley back. Before questions can be formed, Bayley’s sitting up straddling Sasha as the blue haired woman sits forward just enough to pull her own shirt over her head, “Sorry, I just wanted that off,” she voices as explanation.

And Bayley just giggles at her, undoubtedly entrapped by the woman in front of her. She looks down to admire tan skin under blue light, taking in the way in which Sasha lays back so delicately, seemingly ready for whatever Bayley wants from her, her blue hair spilling around her against the pillow, her eyes focused on Bayley and Bayley only.

“C’mere” Bayley beckons and Sasha obeys, pushing up to rest on her elbows, just close enough for their lips to meet again, this time with more fervor as Sasha’s pushes herself into the gravity bringing Bayley closer. Her hands work quickly, undoing the back clasp on Sasha’s bra, getting rid of the baby pink lace hiding Sasha’s breasts. 

Sasha’s resting on her back in the next instant as one of her nipples finds its way between Bayley’s lips, a wet pressure making them harden against tongue and palm, the coldness of the room reaching her in short bursts as Bayley continues to keep her warm. 

But lips aren’t glued to one place for long, Bayley fears that there is too much to admire, that time will run out before she can get her fill of soft warm skin between her teeth, that Sasha might change her mind at any moment. So she takes deep breaths to remind herself who this is for, to steady her heart, tell the bad parts of her brain to have patience. But Sasha whines at the loss of contact, looks up at Bayley with a pout, a shining worry that she’s done something wrong.

Sasha shuffles anxiously, biting her lip. Bayley swallows, tries to let the air coat her blush enough to calm her down before moving back in, lowering herself steadily along Sasha’s frame leaving kisses against her ribcage and abs, finding purchase against her hip bone, biting down again to feel the sharp inhale against her cheeks.

Bayley looks up again to find Sasha’s bottom lip still caught between her teeth, a possessive whack drumming through her, wanting to bite Sasha’s lip herself. She takes hold of Sasha’s hips pushing down the waistband of her sweatpants as best she can with the woman laying down on her back, and fulfills her wish, joining lips with Sasha once again to rid her of any final anxieties, bring her back to something she’s comfortable in, Bayley’s lips. They stay there as Sasha bucks off the bed enough for Bayley to continue the necessary task of taking off her pants.

Bayley pulls slowly but with purpose on the purple thong keeping her from seeing Sasha fully exposed, making sure to caress each leg, bask in the softness of her skin as she finally rids Sasha of her last piece of clothing.

It's then that their difference in dress becomes another thing Bayley tries not to focus on. She can feel the hardness of her nipples against her bra, the intuitive pulse inside her underwear, the need to rub her thighs together, the desire to rip her own clothes off, feel Sasha’s bare skin against hers, but Sasha looks too welcoming to wait another moment before devouring her. 

To her surprise, she pushes willing knees apart to find Sasha’s most delicate parts already glistening in the low light. She’d thought maybe working Sasha up would be difficult from her history, assuming that maybe it was a rather hard itch to scratch if no one had yet to make her cum. But perhaps it was the other people and not Sasha at fault, as Sasha’s arousal only becoming more apparent as Bayley moves closer. 

And Sasha’s gotten herself here before, enough trial and error of her own fingers against her clit to produce the same wetness, but the difference now is how it doesn’t feel so clinical, instead the knot in her stomach begs for release, her hand pushing Bayley closer, as if she’d ever pull away now, as teasing kisses press against her inner thighs. Her breathing changes again, attempting to find a pattern that gets enough oxygen to her brain, and enough blood to pulse against Bayley’s face. 

Bayley moves her tongue carefully at first, settling them both into the new territory, easing the tip through wet folds, coating Sasha in her saliva. The push in Sasha’s gut propels forward, her walls clenching in anticipation, the same feeling that earlier forced her hips up off the bed, but more focused, more intense as Bayley settles there; anchoring her arms around Sasha’s thighs to pull her as close as possible and pressing her face fully into Sasha’s center.

Sasha can feel the blood pumping against Bayley's tongue as it marks a route around her straining clitoris, becoming firmer against the warm wet touch. Her neck becomes stiff as Bayley doesn’t relent, forcing her back against the pillows, but still straining to look down at the woman bringing her pleasure. Her mouth opens wide in a peaked cry, not knowing where this sudden need to make noise came from. She’s never so much as moaned with a man, but now delicate shrieks refused to be silenced as Bayley’s tongue began moving lower, teasing her vagina in small flicks before moving seamlessly back up to her clit. Bayley has to force Sasha’s hips back down as they threaten to push her away, keeping her legs open as Sasha instinctually tries to protect herself from the incoming crash.

She has to close her eyes, realizing how wet she is, how easy this all feels, pulling handfuls of Bayley’s hair and letting her take care of the rest. Giving up control has always seemed difficult, but its hard to fight against it, when her body acts without consequence, because the moans of desperation, the pushing forward only seems to encourage Bayley more. And as much as she wants to hold on, would like for them to stay here forever in a state of unparalleled bliss, no room for insecurity or unwanted conversations, Sasha knows she has to let go. That’s sort of the whole point. 

So she pushes all thoughts out of her mind, all thoughts that aren’t centered around feeling Bayley. And breathes. Clenching her eyes shut as the rush of her body climaxes all at once, a sudden release of all the tension in her body that dissolves slowly back into the feeling of Bayley’s hands moving against her hips. Her legs shake slightly, a jolt from her hip bone down to her toes as she keeps her eyes closed trying to process it. But Bayley is too busy worshipping her skin to stop, licking over the thick cum as Sasha’s muscles clench and unclench, a silent whisper of “please”.

And Bayley could never say “no” even now in unnegotiated territory, where lines blur around “orgasm(s)” because her tongue stays dutifully attached to Sasha as two fingers come away from Sasha’s hip to press easily inside her. Still so wet and easy to push into, Bayley aches at the sound of Sasha gripping so tightly around her as she builds up a rhythm. The delicate moans return too, this time more throaty and bound to the surface, making all of it seem somehow more real, a weight settling on what they’re doing, but not caring about any of the implications. Its easier this time; dragging Sasha over that fine line of too much and too little, driving all those little sparks into one solid release.

Sasha’s choked sob is sobering for Bayley, a sound that pulls her away, not in fear, but in a desperate need to see Sasha’s face, soak in the euphoric pleasure she’d caused. 

But Sasha’s eyes are still screwed shut, her nose scrunched up, a shuddering breath pushes out from necessity, an indicator that Sasha was trying to hold her breath despite the desperate need for air. And then her eyes are fluttering open delicately, a fog of pretty haze keeping them half shut, looking utterly spent as her ribcage begins to rise and fall dramatically in sync with the puffs that leave her open lips. 

She’s beautiful. Bayley can’t help but think that, tries to convince herself that anyone would find the sight of Sasha ready to slip into slumber, no worldly items to get in the way of her natural perfection, completely and utterly beautiful.

Bayley wants to remember this, whatever this is. So she stays there for a moment too long, savoring each one of Sasha’s deep sighs and heavy blinks, until a single tear makes itself known against Sasha’s lash line, cascades enchantingly down her cheek. Bayley moves to act immediately, wiping away the tear with the pad of her thumb hoping to erase any negativity with it.

Somehow in contrast to what just transpired, the action feels too intimate, perhaps a moment Sasha should experience alone. 

Bayley doesn’t want to overstep or overstay. She presses the smallest kiss possible to Sasha’s temple, hoping the sentiment lingers.

“I’ll-uh- let you have your space.” Bayley gathers enough strength to pull away, stand up on even ground for what feels like the first time in forever. And Sasha knows it's for the best; time for them to both process and digest, because instincts ring too primal when Bayley is still so close and Sasha’s desires border on crossing so many unpaved roads. 

Truth be told, she wants Bayley to stay, to hold her while she sleeps, kiss her when she wakes. But she can’t find the words for that, especially when her throat is raw from wrenched moans and her lips are swollen from bruising kisses. 

“I’ll see you? Okay?” Bayley asks because she wants to make sure this isn’t goodbye, just i’ll see you later. 

Sasha blinks at her, a barely there nod, but Bayley is looking so hard she’d notice anything. It’s enough to convince her that Sasha’s okay, that  _ they’re okay. _

“Bay,” Sasha calls, something slightly above a whisper as Bayley turns to exit her room.

Bayley turns around, swallowing any hope that Sasha would ask for more.

“Can you lock the door when you leave?”

Bayley smirks, but the shine of it doesn’t reach her eyes.

“Sure” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the shit storm has officially begun...
> 
> again life be a lot rn sorry for the wait 
> 
> thx to the ppl leaving 18 comments asking for updates...for real the fact that ur that invested means a lot  
> hope this chapter isnt complete trash
> 
> as always thx to Bayley2straps on tumblr  
> you can bother me on tumblr if u want lol @eyesfadefromgreentogray  
> andddd comments and kudos are always appreciated

**Author's Note:**

> thx for reading. comments and kudos are always appreciated and always help to push on the motivation to continue
> 
> thx slickasabiscuit for the idea as well as ur help crafting some of the storyline :)
> 
> eyesfadefromgreentogray on tumblr


End file.
